YOUTH FAQ
Sex, consent, sexual assault, relationships, kink… Young adults have questions!
Lots of people and websites have answers, but which ones can you trust?
Here are some common questions we hear at SACK, and some answers and links to more information that will help you find the right path for you.
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How do I talk to my parents or another adult about something that happened to me? Or, how do I talk to them about dating abuse, because maybe that’s happened to me? I don’t know how to start the conversation. I don’t know how to talk to them about this.It's understandable to feel uncomfortable talking about this! We can be uncomfortable with a topic and still find a way to talk about it. Here are some sites that may help prepare you for conversations. Or reach out to our Crisis and Support chat or phone volunteers (access at the bottom right corner of this screen) to talk to them about how to talk to others and get the supports that are most helpful to you. Action Canada for Sexual Health & Rights: ‘Healthy sexuality and healthy relationships’ Info Hub Healthy sexuality and healthy relationships | Action Canada for Sexual Health and Rights Description: This page provides further information on topics such as attitudes toward sex and safety within relationships. Chat | Sexual Health Ontario Contact: Phone (toll-free): 1-800-668-2437 Chat: Access via website Hours: Monday-Friday, 10-10:30 pm; Saturday & Sunday, 11-3 pm Description: This Ontario-based service is meant to answer sexual health questions and provide access to sexual health information and assistance. Contact the phone line to speak with a live counsellor for free and anonymously. The chatline is run by sexual health experts. Closed on statutory holidays. Teens: How to Talk to Your Parents About Dating Abuse This is a US based site with tonnes of information about domestic violence and sexual violence, and how to get help. This link takes you to an article specifically about talking to parents about dating abuse. Get informed This is the site for the Ontario Coalition of Rape Crisis Centres. This link will take you to their page that has links to information about sexual assault, sexual harassment, human trafficking, and consent, as well as options for you or someone you know. It can be helpful to have this as a reference for conversations you have with people close to you. Why We Should Talk to Young People About Kink & BDSM | The Pincus Center This is a post by a counseling practice in the US. They have many articles with additional links that help parents, teens, and all folks explore issues around sexuality, learn new information and learn how to talk about sexuality and sexual expression. https://www.scarleteen.com/ and https://www.sexfluent.ca/ Both these sites have a vast amount of information for you to explore. Maybe having more information will be helpful for you to reach out for support. You can call or chat with our volunteers (bottom right corner of this screen), talk to your school ACW, or talk to another trusted adult.
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I’m BIPOC. Where can I access information about sexual health that is delivered by and for youth with similar lived experiences?https://www.nativeyouthsexualhealth.com/ This is a central site that can help you find more local resources. Or you can connect with our Indigenous counsellor at SACK. Request to work with her in an intake appointment. Email intake@sackingston.com. https://blackyouth.ca This resource offers various support online and via a telephone hotline that supports youth from all cultural backgrounds. The mission of this amazing resource is to bridge cultures, reach out to youth from all cultural backgrounds and impact change in the community while supporting youth in need. If you decide to do an intake with SACK, you can request to work with Our Diverse Communities Counsellor at SACK. Email intake@sackingston.com. Health Resources | New Youth Youth new to Canada can find many resources here on many topics relevant to living in a new country, as well as specific information about mental health, sexual health, and healthy relationships.
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What is consent really? How do I know I have consent or how do I know I gave consent? What does this even mean?Sometimes it’s helpful to think of what consent is not: Consent is not assumed Consent is not “I guess it’s ok” Consent cannot happen if someone is drunk, sleeping, unwell, using substances, feeling pressured, or being guilted into something Consent is not a one time blanket statement Consent on one day does not imply consent on any other day Asking for consent will not “ruin the mood” If you are in a relationship that includes sex in any form, you don’t have to consent to something today just because you consented before. You can change your mind. You can say yes one day and no the next, and talk about it! You don't have to agree to something you are uncomfortable with even if you are pretty sure others would say yes to it. It’s supposed to feel good for you and your partner, if it doesn't feel good, you can say no or stop. If you aren’t sure your partner is enjoying the experience, stop, check in, see if consent is enthusiastic. The relationship and the experience is healthy and positive if each person is enthusiastically present. If any participant in the experience or the relationship is feeling unsure or uncomfortable, it’s time to slow down, stop, and communicate. Here are some sites that talk about consent: Consent | Sexfluent Driver's Ed for the Sexual Superhighway: Navigating Consent | Scarleteen
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What does consent feel like?Consent feels good! When we feel comfortable with a partner, and we are able to talk about and respect each other’s new-ness to sex and sexuality, or to a particular way to be sexual with each other, it feels amazing. If you are finding you and your partner(s) have different interests and expectations around sexual activity, this is worth talking about. It is really worth it to have uncomfortable conversations about what is OK for each of you as soon as possible, so that you can make decisions about your relationship, learn about each other, and respect each other’s limits. If you are feeling really confused, uncomfortable, and or pressured in your relationship, it’s OK to reach out to a helpline for support. If you are feeling unsafe in your relationship, it is important to reach out as soon as you can. Connect with our Crisis and Support Line by clicking Get Support Now in the bottom right corner of the screen. Others are available throughout this page. Here’s a video talking about sex and how to figure out what each person wants: Al Vernacchio: Sex needs a new metaphor. Here's one Love is Respect American website for youth covering various topics including dating, healthy relationships, consent; also has activities like quizzes and safety plans, information on supporting friends and family, etc
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I need information on online safety - what does it mean and how do I make sure I’m safe? What if I need help with images that were shared? Sexting - what should I know? What if I am under 18?There is a LOT of misinformation out there about sexting and online safety. Here are sites that provide solid guidance, whether you are a teen and your nudes were leaked, or you are wondering about if it’s possible to safely share with your partner, or you are feeling pressure to share more than you are comfortable with. NeedHelpNow.ca —This site has a quick exit option. It is a place for young people to learn rights and issues with sexting, sharing nudes, and what to do if there is an issue. Here you will find non-judgemental and helpful information on how to request images be removed from sites, a Q and A section, and how to easily contact them for more guidance. Definitely a great site to check out! DontGetSextorted.ca — Lots of information here about what sextortion is and how to avoid it/get help. Also hilarious naked mole rat memes and gifs to send instead. Trending Resources, Timely Support – protectchildren.ca So much information here for parents, kids, teens and others to prevent victimization online and to help when it happens. Many useful links and resources for all. Be Internet Awesome Cyber Safety awareness game by Google that is helpful for younger teens as they learn about safety online Cybertip.ca From their website: “As Canada’s tipline for reporting online child sexual abuse and exploitation, Cybertip.ca is dedicated to reducing child victimization through technology, education, public awareness, along with supporting survivors and their families. Cybertip.ca is operated by the Canadian Centre for Child Protection (C3P), a national charity dedicated to the personal safety of children.” Online Harms: Intimate Images – Cybertip.ca - this link takes you to non-judgemental information about what to do if an image of you is online without your consent, including what the law says, steps you may need to take, and how to get help, whether you are under 18 or over 18.
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Where can I find out about kink, bondage, polyamory, consent, communication, and all the stuff I want to know more about but don’t want to ask about?It can be hard to ask others about these things for so many reasons. Here are some solid sites that will give you some language and answers. Maybe getting this information will make it easier to ask a trusted person for more information! https://www.scarleteen.com/ Scarleteen is a US based comprehensive site that covers all things related to sexuality. Easy to find what you are looking for and lots of links to more information. https://www.askpolyamory.com/home/tag/young+poly This link will take you to a Q and A page all about being young and poly or possibly poly. The answers also contain links to further information. https://www.sexfluent.ca/ Inclusive, sex positive site for teens and older. Tonnes of information about consent, healthy relationships, what to do if.., help with figuring out if it was sexual assault, and more. From the Canadian Foundation for AIDS Research.
Do you have other questions? Want to see the answers here but don’t want to email us? Do you know a great resource we should share?
Reach out to our confidential Crisis and Support line and ask them to pass your question along to our Centre. Or, you can email the Centre at sack@sackingston.com
Remember these sites have help available, information, and resources for you too!
The classic resource for Canadian young people! But now they have such a comprehensive website and more ways to connect. Worth checking out for many topics and issues!
This site has a great peer support option for folks who are queer and or questioning and looking for supports for their specific needs.
From their website: “SexandU.ca takes a real-life approach to the questions and issues around sex and sexuality that matter most to Canadians. From talking about sex, to lifestyle choices, to contraception awareness and sexually transmitted infections, SexandU.ca provides accurate, credible, and up-to-date information and education on topics related to sexual and reproductive health. SexandU.ca is an initiative of the Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada, Canada’s leading authority on sexual and reproductive health.”
Tools and Projects — White Ribbon
White Ribbon is an organization focused on male allyship and action. They have some really helpful toolkits and resources on their site. They also have a number of campaigns on their site that include powerful videos exploring many aspects of gender based violence.
Girls, Rape Culture, and Colonialism by Alright, Now What?
A podcast by the Canadian Women’s Foundation. So many other podcasts here as well, on many topics around gender based violence, racism, inequality and more. Also a great place to hear from the folks making changes in the world!
Description: Action Canada for Sexual Health & Rights hosts an information hub that covers a variety of topics such as the mechanics of sex, aging and sexuality, going to a healthcare provider for sexual health matters, etc. They also have a resource bank for finding services such as surgical abortion, medical abortion, STI testing, and IUD insertion based on location. They also have a confidential ‘access line’ to ask questions about sexual health, pregnancy options, abortion, and safer sex. They can provide information and referrals to sexual health providers.
‘Sexual Health Information Hub’ can be found here: https://www.actioncanadashr.org/resources/sexual-health-hub
Resource bank for finding sexual health services found here: https://www.actioncanadashr.org/resources/services
https://www.mulberryfinder.ca/ is a great resource for folks to find contact information for GBV and IPV resources and shelters in Ontario
7-days, 9 am - 9 pm ‘Access Line’ can be contacted here: 1-888-642-2725 or 613-241-4474 ext. 10200 or Text 613-800-6757 or Email access@actioncanadashr.org
Sexual Assault Centre Kingston acknowledges the financial support of Women Gender Equality Canada.
